Episode #8: That Well You Know Feeling

“Hey, you!” The woman knocked her shopping cart into the case of “Bagel Bites” he was stocking. “What did ja do with all the Nippelodian ice cream?”

Jeff stood up straight and smiled. “Uhmm…I’ve never heard of that, but I’ve only worked here a few days.” He took a few steps to the refrigerated section and opened a door. “Here’s where we keep the ice cream. Let’s see if we can find it.”

“Right thar it is!” The woman reached down towards the bottom and hauled out a huge plastic tub. “Cain’t you read?”

Embarrassed, Jeff read the label. “Oh, Neapolitan. I misunderstood, ma’am. I thought you said…”

The woman pointed to the big black word and spelled it out loud for him. “N-E-A-P-O-L-I-T-A-N…Nippelodian! It’s Franch, you cain’t pronounce all the letters. That’s what I hate ‘bout all you ferinners. Ya think yer so much better than ever body. Go back to whar ya come from!”

“Ma’am, I’m American.” Jeff blinked.

“But you ain’t from here! Go back up North and speak Yankee to yer own kind.” She had to push hard to run over his foot, but she managed to do it, mumbling, “Comin’ to our town and takin’ all are jobs…” as she went.

Jeff just shook his head and limped back over to the Bagel Bites and finished stocking them. He broke down the box, doing his best to smile and say hello to everyone that knocked into him or told him to get out of the way. He broke the empty box down and placed it on his float.

Looking over the carnage of the grocery store, he wanted to stand on the float and yell at the top of his lungs, “Yes, it’s snowing outside! Better hurry, you’ll never ever be able to buy food again!”

Another woman grabbed him by the arm. “Are you stockin' here?”

“I’m trying ma’am, but there’s not much left.” He said. “Is there something I can help you find?”

“Yes. I need a case a them microwave dinners. Them kind that ain’t frozen.” She snapped like he should have known.

“Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. We are all out. They’ve been on sale, and the truck couldn’t get here because of the bad weather.”

“Stop yappin’ boy, and run in the back and get me some. Don’t care what kind, just mix me up a case.”

“Ma’am, there aren’t any in the back. We’re all out.” He tried to smile. “Hopefully, we’ll have some more on Monday. That’s when the next truck comes in.”

“All out?” She screamed. “You ain’t got narry one in the back?”

“No, ma’am. I’m so sorry.”

“Well, I swan. I bet if I's a Butler 'er a Trivette you'd have some.” She grabbed her cart and started to storm off. She stopped in front of him and screamed in his face. “I jus’ want you ta know, that when the ‘lectricity goes out, my kids ain’t gonna have nothin’ ta eat, an’ it’s all yer fault!”

“But ma’am, if the electricity goes out, you won’t be able to use the microwave anyway.” He said meekly.

“That’s why I want them kind that ain’t frozen, ya fool!”

Jeff yanked his feet out of the line of her cart wheels just in time. He sighed, then weaved and veered until he got his empty float off the floor. He took a few minutes and pushed the last jugs of milk through the doors so they could be snapped up by those convinced they’ll never ever be able to buy milk again.

All the eggs and bread were gone, he was hoping the last gallons of milk would give people something else to fist fight over rather than taking it out on him. He looked at his watch, a half hour to go. Jeff took a deep breath, plastered a smile back on and headed out to the sales floor. He’d block what was left on the shelves until time to go.

He’d just stepped out and a little tot of a girl with bushy red hair darted right into him.

“Baby Girl!” He heard the mother bellow. “I said to not let go of the cart!”

The little doll looked up at him and smiled. The sweetness melted all the nastiness of the rest of the day away.

“Sowwy, mithtah!” She said.

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He smiled back. “You better run back to your mama, and don’t let go of that cart anymore. Okay?”

“Oh tay.” She turned around and he watched her slip her fingers through the metal mesh of the cart, all the while looking at him and grinning away.

“Jeff?” He heard the mother’s voice again. “I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Deanna?” Jeff finally recognized her. The last time he’d seen her she was about to give birth on the floor in Homeroom. “How you doin’?”

She grinned from ear to ear, making Jeff see the resemblance in her daughter’s smile. “Jes’ fine! I ain’t seed you since the first day a school. You likin’ it?”

“It’s fine. I’m still adjusting, but school is school.” He took a step towards her and rubbed her little girl’s curls again. “Did you not come back after the baby was born?”

“They made me git one them tutor thangs, but soon as all this snow melts enough to run the buses agin’, I’ll be back.”

“Good. Home room’s been a little dull without you.”

“Aw, that’s sa sweet.” Deanna smiled. “An’ thank ye fer the diapers. Them disposable kind is a real treat. I’m only a usin’ ‘em fer special occasions.”

“I’m glad you liked them.” Jeff noticed the car seat strapped in the shopping cart. “Is that the baby?”

“Yup.” Deanna picked the chubby little boy from the trundle and plopped him right in Jeff’s unexpecting arms. “This is Derek Hough Morely and…” she reached down in the basket and picked up an equally chubby identical baby. “…this is Maksim Chmerkovskiy Morely.”

“Twins?”

“Uh huh…fer some reason when I pop out boys they comes in pairs.”

“You named them after those people on ‘Dancing With the Stars’?”

“I figured they’s the reason I got pregnant in the first place.” Deanna frowned. “I feel kinda bad about not namin’ one after that Mark Ballis, but I be dang if I was havin’ triplets just to name one after him.”

“Well, they’re definitely interesting names for two very beautiful little boys.” Jeff stood there holding Derek Hough, hoping Deanna was intending on taking him back eventually.

“I’m callin’ em D.H. and M.C.” She plopped M.C. back in the basket. “I think that sounds modern without bein' stupid, don’t you? I jus’ hate it when people names they kids somethin’ stupid.” She looked up and growled. “Impala, git outta that woman’s cart an’ get back over here.”

“I’d better get back to work.” Jeff held the baby toward Deanna. “I guess I’ll see you in homeroom at Spring thaw.”

Deanna giggled. “Yer funny!” One hand on the cart, and one hand on red headed Impala she started to shove off. “I’ll see ya soon.”

“Uhmm…Deanna?” Jeff held the baby very definitely toward her. “I think this is yours?”

“Lawdy!” Deanna slapped her forehead. “When ya got six under six, sometimes ya ferget where ya put one.” She took the baby from Jeff’s arms and strapped him back in the seat. “…but I reckin that’s why God makes babies cry sa much.”

She rattled off and Jeff stood there wondering if he should check the aisles for mislaid redheaded toddlers. He looked up and saw another face he recognized, one that made him smile.

“Miss Ruby!” He called out.

The old woman smiled back and pushed her cart right over to him, keeping one hand on it while she gave him a big old hug. “Jeff! I was a hopin’ I’d see you!” She pushed him back and chided him. “An’ I tol’ja ta call me Maw Maw.”

He blushed. “But you’re not really…”

“Hesh up, chil’” She smiled. “There’s blood and there’s heart. Yer def’nitly that last ‘en.”

“Thank you.” It was his turn to chide her. “Now what are you doing out in weather like this?”

She waved her hands at him. “Law, Jeff. This ain’t nothin’. When I was yer age I had to walk ten miles barefoot up the mountain ta school in snow deeper’n this a fightin’ off Indians at the same time.”

“I see you’re wearing your tee shirt.” He laughed.

“A course!” She stuck her sagging chest out and smoothed the picture emblazoned with the words ‘Save Mark Hapka’. “I kin still watch ‘im til March I figure. I’m hopin’ there’s still a chance they’ll bring ‘im back. He ain’t been a Twitterin’ much, but I figure they’s throwin’ him one a them goodbye orgies. Ain’t that what they calls ‘em?”

“Uhhh...”

“Now…” Maw Maw reached in her purse and pulled out a box, handing it to him. “This is fer you.”

“Me?”

“Uh huh. A li’l thank ye and late Christmas present.” She grinned.

“Miss…Maw Maw. You didn’t have to do that.”

“P’shaw! Jes’ open it.”

Jeff ripped the paper off one end and his jaw dropped. “Ma’am this is an I-Phone.”

“That’s what they calls it.” She smiled. “I was a hoggin’ Brod’s laptop, so me an’ Dreama Holmes runned down ta that store on Exit 7 and got me one. An’ while I was there I got a good deal on them thangs.” She pointed to the gadget in Jeff’s hands. “So I got one fer me, Brod, Modene an’ you. Had ta make sure all m’Twitter buddies had one, too.”

“But, Maw Maw these are expensive. How could you afford…?”

“Shush now. You’d be surprised at what you can get when yer 86 an’ can fake a fall in a chain store. Come shoppin’ with me sometime. I’ll show ya how ta gets a good deal.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He said as he gave her a big hug.

“Don’t say nothin’ jus’ come over to the house this weekend and show me some more stuff on the computer. Fer an ol’ lady, I’m a havin fun! Did you know they’s a place called Hulu whar you kin watch TV shows anytime?”

“Yes I did.”

“I been watchin’ Mark Hapka almost all day long. Vonda Kay’s got a TiVo now, so she’s gonna down load some episodes on her computer sos she can edit all the good butt shots ta put on disk fer me!”

Jeff bit his lip. “I’ll be happy to come over any time if that’s okay with Brod.”

“Brod?” She frowned. “Why wouldn’t be okay wi’him?”

“Well…” Jeff looked at his feet. “I think I make him uncomfortable, that’s all.”

“Honey, he’s a gettin’ over it. We all gots ta remember how he feels. He ain’t never had no contact at all wi’ his Daddy, an’ suddenly after almost eighteen years he comes back inta his life wi’ you in tow.”

“I understand.” Jeff looked at her with a weak smile. “I’ve never seen my biological father either. So I know how he feels.”

“Sweetheart.” Maw Maw put her hand on his arm. “I didn’t know that.”

Jeff nodded. “I can only imagine what Brod must think when I'm around.”

She touched his cheek with her withered fingers. “Honey, ya’ll have sa much in common. Give it time.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Ruby Acres!” A snide shout came from behind them. “I am surprised to see you!”

Maw Maw’s eyes closed to slits and her old voice dropped an octave. “Arzella Tater, you about in all this snow?”

“Of course, dear.” The woman’s cart came to an abrupt stop as she looked down on Maw Maw and Jeff. “Marcella’s birthday party is today. It always the bash of the year, too many would be disappointed if we canceled. Most of the county would hap’ply risk death to get to one of my parties, let ‘lone a celebration of my Marcella’s birth!”

Maw Maw smiled. “Did Dreama drop off the gift I bought fer Marceller?”

“Yes, Ruby. She’ll open it with the rest of the gifts.” Arzella sneered. “The ones from people who were invited.”

“Well, ain’t nothin’ ‘spensive, just a new pair a knee pads.” Maw Maw looked at Jeff. “I heard the football team say she’d worn her’s out.”

“Yes, she goes through them like peanuts.” Arzella cocked her head and smiled obliviously. “Marcella is so athleltic.”

“Sump’n like that.” Maw Maw said.

“Well, I just wanted to say hello.” Arzella grasped her cart. “I had heard you weren’t up to par, and was shocked to see you out in this weather.”

“I had a little weak spell, but I’m back a full tilt a’gin.”

“That’s good.” Arzella looked at her tee and Jeff could see her lips move as she read. “Save Mark Hapka? Why, Ruby, how wonderful that you’ve taken to carryin’ on the Lord’s work.”

“What er you talkin’ ‘bout, Arzella?”

Arzella scowled and pointed to Maw Maw’s shirt. “Save Mark Hapka. I assume you’ve started a massive effort to save that young man’s soul.”

“He’s a Horton, Arzella, that’s purdy much a free ticket ta heaven.”

“Then why…?”

“Never mind, Arzella, it’s sumpin you cain’t unnerstand.”

Arzella Tater squinted her eyes and put her hands on her hips, 90% cellulite, 10% hip. “Are you insinuatin’ I’m stupid?”

“P’shaw, I ain’t insinuatin’ nothin’…”

“Ma’am…” Jeff decided to step in. “Is there something I can help you find…for the party?”

Arzella smiled and turned her attention to him. “Yes, young man. Cheese, I need cheese and let me remind you, this ain’t no Moretz hoedown. This is a fine ta do with class!”

“Of course.” Jeff put up his hand before Maw Maw could make a come back. “All we have in this aisle is your standard American, Swiss and Colbys but the Deli should have some nice imported soft cheeses like Brie and Gouda.”

“Gouda?” Arzella turned up her nose. “This is a first class party young man. We ain’t havin’ no ferrin garbage! Only the best fer my Marcella. She gets squirt cheese!”

Jeff slapped his hand to his mouth to stifle the laugh Maw Maw barely hid. Arzella pushed her cart away from them and threw snidely over her shoulder, “Squirt cheese on Chicken in a Bisket!”

“Look honey, I’d better git outta here afore I git both of us in trouble.” Maw Maw kissed Jeff’s cheek. “Now you be careful goin’ home.”

“I have four wheel drive.”

“I got four wheels, too.” Maw Maw smiled. “And sometimes, all four of ‘em’s on the ground when I drive.”

Jeff shook his finger at her as she headed toward the check out. She got in Luller Needles line, so she knew it wouldn’t take long. Sure enough, as she started putting her groceries on the belt her buddy Dreama Holmes appeared, chomping at the bit.

“Luller rush her through. We gots ta get home.” Dreama said.

“I know. I’ll do that best I kin, Dreama honey. I wanna git home m’self. I hate drivin’ in all this stuff.” Luller said rubbing a can of collard greens across the red eye.

“Oh, we don’t care nothin’ bout the snow Luller.” Maw Maw plopped a sack of White Lily on the belt. “Miss Americer’s on tonight. Me an’ Dreama ain’t a missed one since the first TV set in Johnson County.”

“You know, I don’t think I’ve watched one of them since that little Sonya Pleasant from Mountain City was Miss Tennessee.” Luller ran a few more items across the eye. “You want yer milk in a bag?”

“No, honey. It’s easier to haul by hand.” Maw Maw handed Luller her coupons. “I was so mad she didn’t even make the finals, but a hometown girl was Miss Tennessee so that was nice.”

“You know they should have a Miss Johnson County agin.” Dreama hefted some plastic bags into the cart. “We haven’t had one a them in twenty years or more.”

“Shoot, Dreama.” Luller snapped her gum. “They ain’t had enough smart, nice purdy girls to have one in twenty years.”

“El, they find fifty to represent Americer.” Maw Maw handed Luller some cash. “So ya know half ‘em gots ta be fakin’ it. Thar should be 'nough sluts in Johnson County ta fake bein' good girls fer a beauty pageant.”

Luller handed Maw Maw her change. “Maybe I’ll get m’husband ta watch it with me tonight. I usually don’t let ‘im watch lots of girlie thangs, ‘cept women’s basketball.”

“You let Wally Dean watch women’s basketball?” Maw Maw grabbed a bag from her hand and plopped it in her cart.

“He says it’s because them girls er in it fer the love a the game and not the money like the men.”

“Well, ya cain’t really argue wi’ that.” Maw Maw agreed.

“I know.” Luller sighed. “But deep down I know he jus’ likes the bouncin’ hooters.”

“Luller, we all gots them secret things we likes ta see that gives us that…well you know feelin’.” Dreama said.

“I reckon.” Luller fretted.

“I like m’stories. They do it fer me.” Maw Maw rubbed her tee shirt, “’Specially this hunk a man.”

“I like ta watch them gym-nasts.” Dreama put her hand to her mouth and giggled. “Law the way they kin twist themselves and theys all them muscles that bulge out in the right places.”

“Maybe that’s m’problem.” Luller said. “Ta be honest, if ya wanna git ta me rub a grilled steak behin’ yer ears an’ talk like a loaded baked tater.”

Maw Maw shook her head and put the last plastic sack in her cart. “Luller, you just need ta spend some time on the Food Network.”

“Oooh! I love that channel!” Her eyes brightened and she smiled.

“See?” Dreama said getting behind the cart loaded with groceries for two snowy households. “We all gots them secret things we watch cause they make us feel good.”

“Tha’s right, Luller.” Maw Maw grabbed the cart, too. “Don’t go frettin’ ‘bout Wally Dean a watchin’ women’s basketball.”

“I guess yer right.” She smiled at her friends. “You girls be careful. Them roads is awful.”

“We jes’ gots a straight shot up the mountain.” Dreama reminded her. “But we’ll be right careful.”

“You, too, honey.” Maw Maw helped Dreama push the loaded cart towards the doors.

Luller turned to her next customer. “Nonnie Funk! I ain’t seed you in ages!”

The arthritic lady stood there with a loaf of bread cradled in one arm and five pounds of sugar in the other, snuff dripping down the wrinkles in the corners of her mouth. “Huh!” She snorted and spit on the floor.

“Would like ta take advan’age of are special? Two nabs fer a dollar?”

“No!” The woman huffed. She slammed her bread on the conveyor and before Luller could push the button she slammed the sugar on top, completely obliterating the bread. “An’ if m’ bread is smashed one more time afore I git it home…”

Episode #6: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Mrs. Vida Leigh, the school librarian, came to a dead stop at the magazine rack. She snatched off a “Newsweek”. She knew good and well she hadn’t approved yet and began ripping out pages and pictures she deemed offensive. Once the entertainment section and anything about Democrats was in a ball in her pocket, she smiled and slipped it back on the rack.

It was the first day of the new school year, and the library was already full of seniors. She hated that the school board insisted they use her library for a homeroom. What made her even more unhappy was that the assistant football coach was the homeroom teacher.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like Coach Wren, although she didn’t, she was convinced that school wasn’t any place for sports. She deemed anything that caused people to sweat or push others down was sinful, unless of course you were doing it for the Lord.

She took a seat behind the book check out, the high stool so she could look down over everyone, and gazed at this year’s crop of seniors. There was Garland Pitts, 22 and finally a senior. He was stupid as all get out, but at least he wasn’t a quitter, she thought.

Well, it wasn’t too bad a crop. There were six other senior homerooms. If she and the Home Ec teacher couldn’t get a few of them expelled or to quit there would be 99 graduating, tying with the most ever to graduate in a single year. Face it, there weren’t ninety-nine people in this county that deserved a good education.

In walked that nasty Broderick Moretz. Mrs. Leigh squinted her eyes as he took a seat at one of the tables. He was in for a surprise. He wasn’t going to get away with anything this year. She couldn’t prove that he taped the faces of Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich on that picture of the couple copulating she’d found in the boy’s locker room, but she just knew he’d done it. He was going to pay and she was gonna make him.

She slipped off her stool and stomped right over to him. “What do you think you’re doing, young man?”

Brod looked up at her. “Reading.”

“And who gave you permission?” She put her hands on her hips.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Leigh.” He closed his book and looked up at her. “This is the library, I just assumed…”

“You know what assuming does Broderick Moretz? It makes a you know what out of you and me.” She harped and looked down out the cover. “And we do not allow THAT kind of trash to be read in this school!”

Brod’s cousin, Modene, leaned over, looked at the book and back up at Mrs. Leigh. “The Bible?”

Mrs. Leigh pointed at it. “That is NOT a King James! Filthy filthy trash…”

Modene cleared her throat. “Mrs. Leigh weren’t you suspended last year for forcing your unsolicited religious views on a student?”

“I was helping that young lady!” She snapped.

“You were trying to perform an exorcism on Marcella Tater.” Modene reminded her flatly. “She still can’t walk past a water fountain without having a flashback.”

“I don’t know how that rumor got started.” Mrs. Leigh decided she’d better calm down and walked away.

“You shouldn’t mess with her like that, Modene.” Brod chided his cousin. “Copperheads always strike a second time.”

“Pooh!” Modene waved her hand at him. “The only reason that woman’s still here is cause Arzella Tater didn’t want any proof what a slut Marcella is brought up in court.”

“Still.” Brod shook is head and put his New King James Bible back in his backpack. “And thank you. How you holding up?”

Modene took a deep breath. “Fine.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “How ‘bout you?”

Brod smiled. “Oh just fine. I’m trying to look at it as a big adventure. It ain’t ever day that a big ol’ murder investigation lands in yer family tree. Who knows, maybe we’ll end up a Lifetime movie. That’d make Maw Maw happy.”

Modene laughed. “That’d be fun. I bet they’d get Valerie Bertinelli to play Maw Maw. She’s a good actress.”

“I was thinkin’ maybe Colin Farrell or that Mohawk guy from Glee could play Ronnie.”

“Mind of I sit here?” A new face asked.

“Not’all.” Modene smiled at the boy and shoved a chair from under the table with her foot. “Sit a spell. I’m Modene and this here’s m’cousin Brod.”

The new boy put his stuff on the table and nodded his head as he sat down. “I’m Jeff Neff. I just moved here from Maryland.”

“Nice t’meet cha Jeff Neff from Maryland.” Modene batted her eyes.

“You!” Came the squall from across the room.

Jeff bolted up straight. “Me?”

Mrs. Leigh came strutting over with her hands on her hips. “New kid, I would be more careful of my choice in friends if you wanna survive this school.”

“Oh, Mizz Leigh, it ain’t like we got cooties.” Modene looked at her. “Besides there’s only two empty chairs left, he took one and the other’s beside him.”

“Well…” The librarian grinned. “Maybe that should tell the two of you somethin’. I’ve got my eye on all three of ya…now…” She smirked and sashayed back to whatever rock she crawled out from under.

Brod leaned over. “Don’t pay any ‘tention ta her.” He pointed to his temple and made circular motions. “S’what brings ya here from Maryland?”

Jeff looked down at his stack of notebooks. “Well, my mother passed away last winter and my Stepdad and I decided to start over.”

“Ya stayed with yer Stepdad?” Brod asked.

Jeff nodded his head. “Never really met my real father, and my Stepdad practically raised me. He’s cool, kind of a best buddy and a father all in one.”

“That’s cool.” Brod smiled. He shot a glance over at Modene and then took her hand. “You okay, Modene?”

She smiled and nodded her head.

“Did I say something wrong?” Jeff asked.

“Naw, honey.” Modene looked at him. “My Daddy died a couple a weeks ago. Still hurts.”

“I understand.” Jeff tried to comfort her. “My Mama hasn’t been gone a year, and there’s still a big ache sometimes. But you’ve got to go on, Modene. Your Daddy wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Thank you.” She looked up, waved and pointed. “Deanna, over here.”

The trio looked in the direction of Modene’s shouting. Deanna Morely waddled toward them dressed in over sized overhauls and a flannel shirt. She puffed as she slammed the books she carried in front of her down on the table and had a seat.

“Is it jus’ me, or is it hot in h’yere?” She grunted.

“Probably jus’ you, girl.” Modene said. “It’s the dog days a summer. What’cha got a long sleeve flannel shirt on fer?”

“M’ kids is all got sick an’ it’s all I could find clean.” Deanna leaned back in her chair. “I thought about jus’ quittin’ but I figger I got this far might as well finish up. 'Sides I don' wanna be like my mama and not get her diplomer afore her oldest started school.”

“Kids?” Jeff was dumbfounded. “You’ve got kids?”

“Yup. Ever one looks like m’husband only with more boogers and less poop.” She ripped a page out of her notebook and made a fan.

“I haint seen Eubie lately.” Brod said. “He still at the muffler shop?”

“I reckon.” Deanna start waving herself with the paper fan. “We done split up.”

“Oh, honey.” Modene frowned. “I’m sa sorry.”

“I shoulda listened to my paw. He wanted us ta wait ta get married til I started High School, but I was thur’teen and in love.” She blew out some air and rubbed her belly. “I larned my lesson. My daughter ain’t even gonna be allowed ta date until she’s eleven.”

“You got married at thirteen?” Jeff couldn’t believe it.

“Yes’sir.” Deanna looked at him. “I was smart though. Eubie was twenny one and had a good job, so’s I could stay in school er at least I thought it was smart at the time.”

“I don’ mean to be nosy, Deanna.” Modene leaned in. “Why’d ja break up?”

“Aw.” Deanna slammed the fan on the table. “I dint ask and he dint tell, but that weatherman from channel 39 sure did.”

“That’s a Fox station.” Modene nodded her head. “They’s pretty liberal.”

“I shoulda known somethin’ was wrong.” Deanna sniffed. “Eubie got ta whar he was only frisky after watchin’ Dancin’ With the Stars".

“That Dereck Hough is a hottie.” Modene told her.

“Reckon Eubie thought so.” Deanna picked her fan back up.

Modene turned her head to look at Jeff with a big smile on her face. “So how ya likin’ Johnson County so far?”

“Just got here yesterday. M’Dad has been here a couple of days, so I haven’t seen much but the school.”

“Ain’t a whole lot here.” Brod told him. “Me an’ Modene can show ya round the county after school if ya got ten seconds ta spare.”

“That would be nice.” Jeff smiled. “I can’t get over the fact that the school’s round.”

“Don’t know why.” Modene said. “Unless they gots the plans mixed up with a Tetley tea bag.”

Jeff got a strange look on his face. “My feet are wet.”

“Huh?” Brod said.

“All of a sudden my feet are wet.”

Modene cocked her head. “Mine, too.”

“Dayam.” Deanna cursed.

“Whatsa matter with you?” Brod asked her.

“My water done broke.” She moaned.

“Yer water?” Modene piped up.

“Ohhhh.” Deanna grabbed her belly and put her head on the table. “The baby’s comin’’.

“Baby?” Jeff stood up knocking his chair over.

“Thought you said you an’ Eubie split up?” Brod leaned back in his chair and asked her.

Deanna lifted her forehead off the table and glared at him. “He left me a little partin’ gift.” She moaned and put her head back down.

“Somebody do something!” Jeff began to panic.

“Mizz Leigh!” A kid at the next table yelled not bothering to look up from his card game. “Morely’s in labor agin!”

“Call a paramedic!” Jeff rushed to Deanna and tried to help her lay down on the floor.

“Calm down, Jeff.” Modene nonchalantly reached for her purse, looking for her cell phone. “Happens all the time.”

Mrs. Leigh sauntered over to Deanna, Jeff having stretched her out on the floor. “Deanna Morely!” She scolded, bending over to look down at her. “You know you ain’t allowed to be pregnant an’ come ta school.”

Deanna grabbed her belly and looked at her. “Gimme five minutes an’ I won’t be.”

“I’m gonna tell yer mama!” The librarian warned.

“Why?” Deanna groaned. “Accordin’ ta you, she cain’t come ta school neither.” Deanna groaned and curled up in a ball.

“Oh God!” Jeff got on his knees and tried to figure out what to do. He looked up at Mrs. Leigh. “Get a book on child birth or something!”

Mrs. Leigh put her hands on her hips and raised her over plucked eyebrows. “We don’t got any books with dirty pictures in 'em young man. You just git those sinful thoughts right outta yer head.”

Modene put her cell phone away. “Just hold it in a little while longer, Deanna. I called the Rescue Squad.”

“Oh, thank ya, Modene.” Deanna groaned in appreciation. “If it’s a girl, I’ll name it after you.”

“Great, two little girls named after a toilet cake.” She mumbled.

The class bell rang. Suddenly the library came to life with students standing, scooting chairs under the tables and stepping over Deanna to get to class.

Brod stood and gathered his books. “Deanna, you be okay?”

“Oh sure, honey, ya’ll run along. I done this afore.” She shooed Jeff away. “Onect the rescue squad gits here, I’ll spit this kid out like a paint ball.”

“I can’t just leave you here like this.” Jeff protested.

“That’s so sweet. But I’ll be fine.” Deanna told him.

Modene handed Jeff his stack of books, “Com’mon Jeff. She’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” He asked.

Brod nodded then looked at Deanna. “I’ll tell Mr. Dyer you’ll be late for science.”

“Thanks, Brod. ‘Bout fifteen er twenny minutes if ain’t twins..agin.” Deanna smiled.

As they walked off, Mrs. Leigh nudged Deanna with the toe of her high heel. "You're a cleaning up this mess. I sure ain't."

Brod put his arm around Jeff’s shoulders and ushered him out into the hall. Modene following right behind. “So Jeff, you gonna try out fer football?”

“I doubt it.” Jeff turned back to look at the library. “Do you think I should tell my Stepdad about this?”

“He a doctor?” Brod stopped and asked.

“No.” Jeff looked at him. “He’s the new principal of the high school, Mac Moretz.”

Brod took his arm from around Jeff’s shoulders. “Dude. Stay away from me!” He stomped down the hall and out of sight.

“Did I say something wrong?” Jeff asked Modene.

“Mac Moretz is Brod’s daddy.” Modene smiled broadly. “Welcome to the family.”