Episode #2: Rethinking the Ziploc Bag

Some people cleaned, some people ate, and some people drank. When Vonda Kay Shephard got upset, she cooked. She’d been up since the crack of dawn cooking everything in the house.

It started out with hotcakes and sausage for her husband’s breakfast. Then she made breakfast for her son and twin girls and packed their lunches for school. When she’d snapped the lid closed on the last lunch pail, she remembered it was still summer and the kids weren’t in school.

That set off the next wave of frustration so she made a ham casserole, then a recipe called spaghetti pie she copied down from that Mr. Food guy on the TV. From there it was a simple step to frying some potatoes. Before she knew it the fridge was empty, the cupboards bare and every surface in the kitchen and dining room was covered in casseroles, cakes, cookies and chopped, steamed or creamed vegetables.

She sniffed the cherry yum yum she’d just taken out of the oven. “Well, that don’t look too bad.” She placed it on the cozies her Great Aunt Fay had crocheted for her and looked around to see if there was anything left to whip together, heat up or slice. She wiped off the oven timer shaped like a chicken and put it back in the cabinet over the stove.

“Mama!” She heard one of the girls wail from the back of the house. “Ruth Ann has been usin’ my lipstick again!”

“Ruth Ann! Don’t use your sister’s lipstick!" She yelled back and proceeded to wipe down whatever counter space that wasn't occupied. "You know how it upsets her and I just can’t handle all the bickerin today!”

“I didn’t touch her nasty lipstick!” Ruth Ann yelled back. “I don’t use Hoochie Whore Red!”

“Mama!” The other daughter whined.

“Girls!” Vonda screamed so angry she almost knocked a plate of Raspberry Chip Cookies in the floor. “If I have to come back there, I will knock the snot outta both of you! Mercy girls, there are other things to worry about than who’s smeared Avon all over their face.”

“Sorry, Mama!” They yelled back.

“Is anybody hungry?” She asked as loud as she could.

“No, Mama.” Ruth Ann called back.

“I’m on a diet!” Ann Bliss announced. “I wanna look good in m’ swimsuit for Miss Mountain Electric.”

“Well, good for you…” Vonda heard Ruth Ann say. “Watcha gonna do about yer face?”

Vonda rolled her eyes and started putting some veggies she’d chopped in little heart and star shapes into a Ziplock. “Trey, honey? You wanna come and get somethin’ to eat? Mama’s made all your favorites.”

She got no answer.

“Trey, honey?” Vonda wiped her hands on a tea towel and started to the hall. “Bubba?”

She knocked on his closed bedroom door and then opened it. Her nine year old was sitting in the corner of his bedroom cross-legged in the floor. She smiled at him as he looked up to her. “Hey there, Bedbug. Whatcha doin’?”

“I’m just a sittin’ here a thinkin’.”

“Didn’t cha hear me? I was a callin’ your name.”

“No, ma’am. I was a thinkin’ purdy hard.”

“You wanna talk about it?” She sat down on the edge of his bed. Trey adored his big cousin Ronnie, and she knew this had to be hard on him.

“Ya think they’ll put Ronnie away forever?”

“Aw Sweet Baby, I don’t know. He says he didn’t do it on purpose. It was a accident, but we’ve just gotta leave all that in the hands a the Lord.”

Trey sighed. “I know Mama, but that’s sa’ hard ta do. Ya cain’t see the Lords big ol’ hands and some days it’s just hard to tell whether they’s really there ‘er not.”

“I know, Baby Boy. I know.” She brushed the top of his head with her hand. “Are ya hungry? I’ve cooked everything in the house.”

“Maybe later. I think I’ll jus’ sit here and think a while longer.”

“Okay, honey, but don’t stay cooped up here all day. The sun’s a shinin’ and there’s June Bugs to catch.”

“Why do they call ‘em June Bugs when it’s August?”

“Well, they take after your Daddy’s side of the family and couldn’t be on time if ya nailed their feet to an alarm clock.”

Vonda kissed the top of her son’s head and quietly shut his door back. She said a little silent prayer. She had barely whispered amen when she heard the commotion from the girl’s room.

“Mama!” One of them yelled.

“What on Earth now?” Vonda stood at their doorway with her hands on her hips.

“You tell Ruth Ann that I’m the pretty one!” Ann Bliss wailed.

“Just ‘cause you got watermelons and I got grape fruits don’t mean you’re the pretty one!” Ruth Ann snorted. “It just means they ain’t never gonna mix up our bras!”

“Girls!” Vonda Kaye put her foot down. “You’re twins. You’re both pretty!”

“We ain’t identical!” One said.

“’Specially round the boobs!” The other added.

“You’re not draggin’ me into that argument again. I’ve had enough. Ruth Ann the house needs to be vacuumed and dusted. Ann Bliss run the bathtub full a water and take all the blinds down and soak ‘em in vinegar.”

“Mama! I jus’ put ma’ lipstick on!” Ann Bliss protested.

“Then don’t get it on m’ blinds.” Vonda looked sternly at her daughters. “An’ I don’t want either one of you to look at the other until this house is spotless. Now, move!” She clapped her hands together and watched her fifteen year old twins roll their eyes but head to their posts.

“Knock! Knock! Anybody home?” She heard from the front of the house.

Vonda slipped back down the hall to the kitchen to find her mother standing there open mouthed looking at the food spread all over creation, her sister and nephew not far behind in similar states.

“Land sakes, Vonda Kaye.” Her mother said. “You havin’ a Baptist fellowship today?”

“Can’t be Baptist.” Brod said dunking his finger in something that looked like whip cream and chocolate pudding. “They ain’t no chicken.”

“Aw, honey…” Vonda’s own twin Vista handed her a bowl and hugged her neck. “How you holdin’ up?”

Vonda put her hands in her hair and moaned. “I just don’t know what to do. I tried and tried but every time a turn around poor Ronnie just slops right into trouble.”

“That poor boy.” Vista shook her head. “He just doesn’t seem to have a chance, does he?”

“I feel so bad.” Vonda pulled out chairs from the food covered dinette set. “Ya’ll set down.”

“Can I have some of this?” Brod asked holding up a casserole.

“Help yourself, honey. Whatever you want.” Vonda replied plopping herself between her mother and sister. “I just don’t understand this whole thing. It was an accident, Ronnie says he didn’t know he’d done it.”

“Prob’ly has something to do with his record.” Maw half said inspecting everything on the table. “You use Velvetta in this?”

“Sharp Colby. Try some.” Vonda told her. “And I worry how this is gonna effect everything…the kids…Dewey’s business…my business…it’s just a mess!”

“It’ll all straighten itself out.” Vista put her hands on her sister’s shoulders. “If it was an accident, I don’t see how they can hold him. They’s just got to go through what they call dude process of the law.”

“Shouldn’t hurt the business none.” Maw said stealing a crispy from a pan of battered steak fingers.

“Maw, you know the people in this town.” Vonda got up and found some plates and silverware, handing them to her mother. “Get your fingers out of the food and eat like a human, mama.”

“I ain’t hungry child. I just wanted to try the crispy part. Yours is always better’n mine.”

“I use bread flour and not self risin’…that’s the trick” Vonda said putting the fingered finger on a plate and handing it to Maw.

“Times are hard, and I keep thinkin’ the last thing a realtor needs is something like this to keep folks from buyin’ houses.” Vonda spooned some of the deep dish broccoli on the plate as well. “And then I feel so guilty thinking ‘bout how this is gonna effect me.”

“I don’t think it’ll be a problem, Vonda Kay.” Vista assured her.

“Didn’t business boom for ya’ last time Ronnie got put in jail for murder?” Brod asked filling a plate with more goodies.

“Well, yes…but nobody liked that last guy he killed.”

“And Myrtle Lewis sure was popular.” Maw chomped down on the steak finger she didn’t want. “’Specially with the men.”

Vonda sighed. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with all this food. I just got started and couldn’t stop.” She looked up at her sister. “Is it bad taste to take all this to the grieving family of the girl your nephew just chopped up in a hay bailer?”

“I think it’d be right sweet.” Vista said.

“I’d rethink anything in a Ziploc bag though.” Maw added reaching for another bite. “We brought ya a mess a pole beans. Vista Kay picked ‘em this mornin’”.

“Thank you, honey.” Vonda got up and started attending to the bowl she had been given. “This’ll give me something else to do for a few minutes…oh you done snapped ‘em already.”

“Just need to be cooked.” Vonda told her. “Want me to find your pressure cooker?”

“No. I think I’ll bake ‘em.” She turned her oven back on and grabbed a cookie sheet from the dish drainer. “I saw Rachel Ray do it this and we just loved ‘em. They been washed?”

Vonda nodded and walked over to watch her twin. “Lemme see what yer doin’. I’m always up for somethin’ new.”

“You just spread on the cookie sheet and pour some olive oil on ‘em like this.” Vista liked having an audience when she cooked. “Then sprinkle some salt and pepper, we like the sea salt grinders, and pop ‘em in the oven for about twenny minutes.”

“Well that’s simple.” Vista said. “Sorta like a baked tater only green an' pointy.” She turned to her son. “Brod, when you get through feedin’ yer tape worm, why don’t you find little Trey and get him to help you load all this in the truck and run it over to the Lewis’s.”

“Sure Mama. Is that real apple pie?” He pointed.

“Of course.” Vista said, “What else would ya make an apple pie out of?”

“Arzella Tater makes her’s outta Ritz crackers.” Maw said reaching for another steak finger. “Leave these here.” She whispered to Brod.

“That’s just nasty.” Vonda wrinkled her nose.

“Try eatin’ it.” Vista giggled.

The doorbell rang. “Who on Earth could that be?” Vonda said as she got up and headed for the front door, Vista following behind.

“Oh Lord, it’s the sheriff.” She whispered as her sister reached to open the door.

“Sheriff Tater, what brings you by?” Vonda swallowed her fear.

“Vonda, I’ve arrested yer nephew enough ta where we can be on a first name basis. You kin call me Ervil.” He stuffed his doughy frame through the door into the living room.

Vonda nodded her head and smiled. She didn’t want that man in her house, let alone sitting on her expensive furniture. It wasn’t that she just didn’t like him, he was so fat she feared the sofa would collapse, but she motioned for him to sit anyway. “What can I do for you…Ervil?”

“Well…” The Sheriff moaned as he eased himself down in the center of the couch covering the groan of the fine furniture. “I got a call orderin’ me to turn this case ova to a state investigat’r.”

“The state?” Vonda’s hand went to her chest in shock.

“That ain’t good.” Maw appeared at the living room door, chewing on a second steak finger.

“Why would the state investigator’s get involved? This was a accident, just a tragic accident.” Vista sat in the arm of her sister’s chair and put her hand on her back.

“All I know’s is it’s all outta my hands. A man arrived this mornin’ with all kinda legal papers an’ a barkin’ orders.” Ervil sniffed the air. “Do I smell pie?”

“No.” Came three every quick voices.

“They’s a man talkin’ with Ronnie right now. I reckon he’ll be ova here soon, with more legal stuff.”

“Why would he come here?” Vonda asked.

“He’s a gatherin evidence, has a paper sayin’ he can come in here and search ya house ‘n’ prop’ty.”

“Law.” Maw said wiping crunchy crumbs from her mouth.

“This is big, Vonda Kay. This is gonna get uglier than a hog’s butt on slaughter day.” The sheriff leaned back on the couch.

“I wonder if this’ll make ‘Americer’s Most Wanted?’” Maw asked. “I love that show.”

“That’s just fer criminals that got away.” Brod said from the kitchen.

“And Ronnie did it. He said so himself.” Vista added.

“That’s what I don’t understand.” Vonda worried. “It was a accident. Why all the fuss with the state gettin’ involved?”

“Don’t rightly know.” Ervil leaned forward. “Are you sure I don’t smell pie?”

“Yes.” Came three quick responses.

“Alright then.” Ervel nodded his head. “I just thought I’d warn ya. If I was you, I wouldn’t touch ner clean nothing’ til this man shows up and says it’s alright.” The sheriff put his hands on his knees and groaned his way to a standing position. “Norvel Burcham, ya’ll know my dep’ty Norvel, he’ll be with the man. I reckon he’ll be here shortly.”

“Well, thank you Sheriff Tater.” Vonda stood and put out her hand to shake.

The sheriff took it. “Don’t get too worried up Vonda Kay. Like ya said, Ronnie said he did it. It’s purdy open and shut.”

“I’ll try, but you know me, I don’t like family touchin’ my stuff, let alone strangers.”

“They’ll wear rubber gloves, child.” Maw said matter of factly. “I seed ‘Law and Order’. Ya don’t has ta worry about stranger cooties in yer drawers.”

“That’s so comfortin’ Maw.” Vonda shot her mother a dirty look. “Thank you.”

“Well, unless you got pie…” the Sherrif said.

“We don’t.” Came three quick responses.

He nodded his head, “I’ll be off now.” He stuffed himself out the front door as the three women watched him waddle off the groaning front porch.

“Mercy.” Vista said.

“Aw, shoot!” Vonda said. “Girls! Girls! Stop the cleanin!” She yelled down the hall.

“And we was havin’ so much fun!” Ann Bliss yelled back as the vacuum went off.

Vonda put her hands to her temples. “This just couldn’t get any worse!”

“Well, I’d say you won’t be sellin’ any houses for a while.” Maw rubbed her daughter’s back. “Good thing ya sold the Quisenberry Place.”

“Ya did?” Vista tried to encourage her sister. “That’s good. Who’d ya sell it to?”

“Oh God…Mac.” Vonda sat back down in the chair. “Mac Moretz bought it, Vista Kay. He’s movin’ back to town.”

“Mac?” Vista Kay sat hard on the indentation still visible in the sofa. “My husband’s comin’ back?”